Seasonal Affective Disorder Simulator
Personalizes your daily sunlight regrets, forecasts emotional cloud cover, and delivers stern artificial dawn like a disappointed parent made of LEDs.
Wistful horror
Meet your daylight regret engine
SADS™ is a sleek psychological gadget that tracks your exposure to light, your exposure to emails, and the gap between the two. Instead of pretending everything is fine, it delivers a calm, data-driven verdict: you probably should’ve gone outside.
Combining weather feeds, calendar events, and your growing collection of ignored reminders, SADS™ generates a personalized, gently mocking narrative of your winter days.
Technical melancholy
What SADS™ does to you
- Hyper-local regret forecasting – morning notifications detail exactly how much light you missed and what you were doing instead.
- Regret-based mood reconstruction – rebuild your week through graphs of coffees, meetings, and unrealized walks.
- Judgmental artificial dawn – a soft white glow that quietly asks, “Why didn’t we start this earlier?”
- Daylight Regret Index (DRI) – a single mysterious number that feels important and slightly accusatory.
- Seasonal story mode – a calm narration of your winter as if voiced by a disappointed but loving documentary host.
Who is this for?
SADS™ is ideal for:
- People who keep saying “I’ll go outside after this email.”
- Remote workers who haven’t opened their blinds since mid-October.
- Anyone who wants quantified self-loathing, but cozy.
- Advent participants who suspect the Algorithmic Toucan is right about the December Grind.
Use responsibly. If SADS™ makes you laugh, that’s working as intended.